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Mental illness….

Yes you read the title correctly, today we are going to talk about mental illnesses….

This has been covered more indepth in an instagram post by Tonny Eldridge, a well learned psychology student and an empathetic member of society, let’s head on there. Don’t forget to follow him and leave comments.

https://instagram.com/tonny.eldridge/

Thank you 🌊🌊

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12th March 1989.

Dear moon, I avoided Yana today I can’t look her in the eye. I can’t share with her my predicament. Each day my curiosity and longing for Mike go up. While he just goes on about his life nonchalantly. For now, I’d rather not listen to happily ever afters. So you might wonder how I spent my day. Well, I went to Loni, she’s a florist. She grows all kinds of flowers in her backyard. It’s a dream there, everything is so full of life. I got myself a potted plant. I’m thinking I should name it. I don’t know, to make it more special. I figured I should learn how to take care of something first, before going out in search of care. I hope it goes well. Loni’s instructions were simple. Water it, keep it in the sun. That sounds easy. I’ve placed it on my windowpane. There’s more than enough sun for that little thing there. I’ve thought of a name. Mikita. I know, very cliche, naming a plant after your love interest. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing. That way I can practice how to speak to Mike you know. And my plant will be of sentimental value. I’m signing off now, I can hear the pitty patter of the rain, better not to waste that version of sleep. Adios moon.

With Love. Star.

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11th March 1989;

Dear Moon, shopping. Normally, trying on clothes and adoring myself in the mirror would be something I enjoy but not today. Yana was with me and I was less than happy, I felt alone. Her boyfriend Daniel wrote a letter. He is studying in the United States. They communicate via mail. In his letter, Yana was showered with flowery words and declarations of love. I’ve met Daniel before, he is a simple man. Bony in structure and a crooked smile. I honestly did not think Yana would pay him any attention but what are the odds? Fast forward after three months of the cat and mouse game, Yana agreed to give him a chance. The man did not let her down. He devoted himself to her, always at her beck and call. When he got a scholarship to go study medicine, both of them were thrilled and yet sad. You know the uncertainties of a long-distance relationship. Beautiful Yana did not raise her hopes too high, I for one did not expect Daniel to last in the role of an adoring boyfriend, for long while away. However as time went by, the mails started flowing. He updated her on his progress, even sent her gifts now and then. Don’t get me wrong I love Yana, and I’m happy for her. I’m just disheartened that her first attempt at love is going so well, while mine is a catastrophe. What about me? Moon what about my happiness? What about my story? Yana doesn’t even have to try. I on the other hand did everything. Moon help me understand, what is the price of love? What is the sacrifice of a young heart? I put down my pride and for what? Just glances at a bonfire? Not even sentences? What am I doing wrong Moon? Eventually, I didn’t buy anything, I went home with a pit in my stomach. A guilty conscience. I was caught between being happy for Yana and wondering what of my own. Moon, I’m swimming and if I go too far I’ll drown. I have to lay down, the day is ending in a serenity of still, and I don’t want to miss a moment of the night. Tomorrow we rise if God wills it, till then stay away from the clouds. Sincerely, Star.

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10th March 1989.

Dear Moon, yesterday while we left Flo’s home. Kim, and Nate walked means home. I like those two. We went to school together. We’ve had our good times. From climbing the fence to pranking the nerds. Good times. I expected Mike to make an attempt at talking to me, but that’s all it remained to be, an expectation. I really think I shouldn’t reimburse him. He’s behaving like a Rubix cube, hard to decode. When I got home, there was a loud silence, I don’t get my parents, one minute they are good, other times mother wants to be left alone. But I guess that’s how marriages are, it’s the dance of mature love. Subtle fights and disagreements. While they feign peace in our presence. I wish I knew how to help them. But it’s their fight not mine. A sense of dysphoria overwhelms me every time I find broken glass in the kitchen. Is it me? Am I a bad daughter? Maybe I disappoint him, in fights like this I wait out, a second dragging to the next until normalcy is restored. Not long afterward, she served him some food and he gave her a small smile. A white flag, maybe a truce? Whatever it was it got us through the night, nothing is like the bond of family. Moon, tomorrow I’m going shopping, Yana is coming with me. I have high hopes, to make peace with my wardrobe. Till then keep glowing.

With love. Star.

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Dear moon…

I spent today with Kim and Nate. We were cleaning up the town. I helped collect the garbage. The good doctor says it’s our responsibility to keep ourselves safe from infections and diseases. So as you can imagine that led to sweeping and scrubbing. The town was a buzz. Working as a team can do wonders for your mood. Afterwards Flo’s mother cooked for us, more like those in her employ did. You know her right, being the MPs wife and all. Seemed like a campaign strategy to me, but what do I know. While there, my eyes accidentally saw Mike . I quickly averted them. Why would I take myself through that kind of torture. He was dressed as usual. Overrals and a vest. Charming all women with daughters. Each one calling him son. Sleek. Can you believe he had the nerve to get Flo a flower? Even placed it in her hair. The nerve of that man. We’re not dating and he is already cheating on me. Oh who am I kidding. My attempt was a mess. When we sat around the bonfire listening to Theodore the soldier , our eyes locked again. There was a fire dancing in his eyes, an invitation. To something dark and delicious. I looked away but could still feel his eyes on me. Even though no words were exchanged. I felt like we had a whole conversation. Too bad the topic of boys wasn’t taught in schools. I’d like to learn the meaning behind the devilish grin on his face. It’s like he’d forgotten how he had blatantly ignored me the previous day. Unbelievable. Moon I have to go, I can hear mum calling, I’ll be back tomorrow, till then….. Live on…….. With love. Star.

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Dear moon ,

Yesterday I promised to talk to Mike, and I did. It didn’t quite go as planned. I imagined the harvest would be the backdrop for our budding love story. I couldn’t have been more misinformed , I was dressed to impress and I even put on my mother’s perfume. I was out for blood . As Mike stood outside the combined harvester, beads of sweat adorning his face, just done with the first phase of harvesting. I walked up to him confidently, shoulders pushed back and a stride in my step that spelt out as desire.

That was my chance and I wasn’t about to waste it. When I got there ,Mike didn’t even spare me a glance, not even the scent of my perfume persuaded him. He simply hopped on the tractor and continued on the second batch. To say I was broken wouldn’t cover it. I was crushed and to make things worse ,I orchestrated my own downfall. And to think I spruced myself up to his liking. As I walked home , the cloud of shame that hang on my head was more than evident. Yana’s words were like an earworm. I should have waited for him to talk to me instead. Grandma was right. Don’t dress up for a man. Dress up for yourself. For the reflection in the mirror that reminds you that you are a gem. Dress up for nobody. Approve yourself. I wish I listened and followed. But moon, was I wrong to put myself out there? What about liberation? What about the confident woman? Well until I figure that out, I say tomorrow the sun will rise again and we will continue to fight for the limited time we have on this earth.

Keep shining… With love. Star.

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Dear moon…

Hey it’s me again, today is harvest day. Dad says the wheat is ready. You know I’m not a farm girl. I don’t like being out in the sun too long and much less interacting with the soil. Knowing the farm doesn’t bother me, it’s not who I am. So remember Mike? That boy I had a crush on, the one I saw during market day? He came to work for dad. I’m so thrilled he’s here. He’s so handsome and hardworking too. I don’t know if I should talk to him though. Yana my best friend says I shouldn’t, that he should talk to me instead. But moon, Mikey doesn’t know I exist. How is he going to talk to me if he doesn’t even know me? I’ve made up my mind, today during harvest time I will approach him. I’ll wear my blue dress, the one mum made me last Christmas remember? Yes I must talk to him. I’m not afraid of going for what I want, besides I’m smart he’ll surely like me, and if he doesn’t, his loss. I’ll write you tomorrow and tell you how it goes. Until then, keep glowing . With love. Star.